#header-inner img {margin: 0 auto !important; #header-inner {text-align: Center ;} Fiji Coupfourpointfive: 'Pyschopathic' attorney general puts boot into Fiji democracy movement

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Friday, January 25, 2013

'Pyschopathic' attorney general puts boot into Fiji democracy movement


Darling Grubby,

It has been a quieter week, thank goodness. But it has been really enjoyable for all that. 


There is no better sound than the death throes of the political parties in Fiji. The sound of their whingeing is music to our ears and you know what was best of all? Hearing them bleat to Australia and that final death moan as they realized Carr Crash couldn't care less.

I have spent some time with the True Leader, Aiyarse, this week. He is fascinating and good company. In fact, he is fast becoming my absolute hero. 


Grubby, if you want to get back to the top of my Most Wanted list, you will need to acquire some of Aiyarse’s better characteristics. Just to help, I did some intense research into the matter. (In fact, I went straight to Psychopath in Wikipedia.)


The Aiyarse attributes you need are as follows: Shallow Emotions , Coldhearted, Egocentric, Superficial Charm, Manipulative, Impulsive, Criminal, Antisocial Behavior, a Lack of Remorse, and a Parasitic Lifestyle. In fact, looking at this list you and the True Leader are remarkably alike. The big difference is about 20 years and 20 kilos.


He told me right from a young age he was unlike his fellow students.


 He knew what he wanted and that was to be in complete control of Fiji and then the world. He is about 5 years behind schedule but he plans to gain time by bringing the elections forward to later in 2013. 

He will announce elections on Feb 15th when all the political parties have ceased to exist and lo and behold the only party will be the RFMF. Fiji will become the Pacific’s first Militocracy.


He is so confident. He was out shopping last week and he ran into one of the pro-democracy bores in a shop. Without missing a beat he went up to the guy and told him in no uncertain terms that it was simply foolish to fight against the Government. 


He then lifted up his foot and said “You are an Ant and we are a Boot.” He stamped his foot for emphasis. How cool is that? I bet if you stood on one foot after of a few bottles of Cabernet Shazzer you would simply topple over.

He also has no shame when it comes to flaunting his parasitic lifestyle. He has been given the top of the range $325,000 Land Cruiser by Frankly Bananas. But to comply with the government vehicle decree it has a Government number plate during the week but during the weekend it has a civilian number of HB 361, so he can use it for personal purposes.

He was also telling me that one of his many perks and benefits of being paid more than $800,000 per annum through his Aunty Nur is that he does not need to pay tax.

That is what I love about Aiyarse, FRCA are cracking down on the whole country except for him and the Glorious Leader. Hypocrisy is like a drug to him. Don’t worry, I put in a good word for both of us and your cheques will continue to be sent to the tax haven of Vanuatu. My salary is paid locally and I pay taxes, but all my kickbacks etc get sent off shore.

The Ministry of Finance is getting a bit nervous about all these payments. They have never received any written directives for the payments through Aunty Nur and so they feel their Arses are fully exposed. 


But I hear Filimoni WankaInTheBath, the Permanent Secretary, has taken to recording all his conversations with Aiyarse and Frankly Bananas. 

If he is ever called up to account for all these dodgy payments he will say he was only following orders, and then he will play the tapes. WankaGate could be a massive scandal we might have to cover up. Sorry, I am forgetting I control the media so there will never be a scandal.


I did really well financially last week - I set up a water product placement for the Chairman of GOD (Group of Dictators) inauguration. You would not believe how much Fiji Water paid for this picture.



But back to Aiyarse. He was telling me about his security. He is aware he is the most unpopular man in Fiji and has been told by his bodyguards he needs to wear body armor at all times.



He has come up with a very cunning way to make sure he is well-protected. It is something he is copying from President Assad of Syria.

Although in public he is a happily married man he has a dark side as Her Majesty the Queen pointed out last week. But as he has no shame, he is remarkably open about his sexual preferences. 


I have to say, Grubby, that on this one you are the clear winner. There is no way I want to get into a threesome with the True Leader and one of his playmates.

Grubby, will you be coming over later? All this talk about psychopaths has got me a bit you-know. Please, come over and don’t forget to bring a bottle of strong voluptuous red Shirazzer.

Hugs and Kisses
Shazzer

This is to inform the public that this letter is a piece of fiction. However, some of the people and events mentioned are real.

Shazzer does not recommend the use of babies as body armour. After extensive testing she recommends Kevlar for its improved stopping power. 


Note also that no goats were harmed in the writing of this email. I wish I could say the same for Aiyarse's Decrees.

Illustrations courtesy of Discombobulatedbubu. And you can find more Grubby and Shazzer satire on D-bubu's blog at
http://discombobulatedbubu.blogspot.com/

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'd like to see Aiyarse with a horny goat, goat with horns by the way, left in a barn.

There's evil in Fiji said...

The Great leaders have already started campaigning for the 2014-non election!


PM checks twins born during Cyclone Evan

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A-G steps in, helps airport taxis

newsroom | 20 hours ago | By JYOTI PRATIBHA Attorney-General Aiyaz Sayed-Khaiyum last evening met taxi drivers of Nadi International Airport to deal with several grievanc

Anonymous said...

ASK AND BAI AND LAP DOG MOSESE THINKS THEY WILL WIN THE ELECTION .HAHAHA KEEP DREAMING GET READY FOR PRISON CHOR.
SEE WHAT HAPPEN IN 1999 TO SVT ARMY LED GOVT FALL CAME AND SVT IS GONE AND DEAD FROM FIJI POLITICS..
SDL AND FLP WILL RISE LIKE A SHINNING SUN .BRING ON THE ELECTION NOW .

Anonymous said...

Frank has been campaigning since 2006. He campaigned against SDL in 2006 election, that was first time in history of Fiji that soldiers has been deployed throughout the country to campaign against the government of the people they're sworn to protect.

Graham Duluki said...

News from grapevine: Aiyarse has been spending more time with sodormy squad in nabua and less time with wife.

Anonymous said...

AS I ALWAYS THOUGHT, KAIYUM IS A LUNATIC, HE DOES'T DESERVE ANY HUMAN TREATMENT WHEN DEMOCRACY IS RESTORED IN FIJI, IF HE DOES NOT SHOW REMORSE NOW, WELL SHOW HIM NO MERCY. HE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR.I WONDER IF HIS WIFE KNEW ABOUT THIS?

Anonymous said...

Thieves and pyschopaths don't feel remorse. Power is too much of a hard on.

Anonymous said...

@ Anonymous said...January 25, 2013 at 1:22 PM

PLEASE TELL US WHO IS AG KHAIYUM SLEEPING WITH . NAME OF THE WOMEN PLEASE ? IF YOU CAN PROVIDE PHOTOS PLEASE DO SO. NO RUMORS,NO SPOIL, NO VEIVACACANI BUT CONCRETE FACT . I WANT TO SEE HIM WITH HIS PANTS DOWN, PLEASE PROVIDE US BLOGGERS AUTHENTIC REAL EVIDENCE .

Madman said...

Hahaha, Barr saga is latest sign of regime gone mad and in self destruct mode, get out while you can Aiyaz.

Anonymous said...

Madman...And opportunist Sharon Stone.

ice mountain man / south pole said...

Let me remind you Aiyaz Khaiyum and Frank Bainimarama again that if you plan to cheat the people in your present Government Job and Military Coup Politics to kill transparent and fair democracy for the people of Fiji in Fiji and overseas, I remind to be very very careful. There are a lot people are following you very closely in all your ditry tactics and dictatorship with an arrogant attitude to scared people with power of guns, illegal decrees, bullsit international propaganda that your government is the first government that promote multiracial policies in Fiji. You have shown no respect to independent civil servants who have been working hard since the first government Alliance Party was formed in 1970. You are boasting too much about your power. OK now I want to tell you I am ready to DIFFUSE YOUR ILLEGAL GOVERNMENT IN 2014 IF YOU ARE GOING TO WIN BY RIGGING ELECTION RESULT TO YOUR FAVOUR. IT WILL BE A VERY SAD DAY FOR YOU FRANK AND YOUR CRONIES. I AM NOT A TRAINNED SOLDIERS BUT A OLD AND EXPERIENCE CIVIL SERVANTS AND I BELIEVE THAT THE POWER OF MY PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN YOUR SWORD.

JONE BOKOKOKUIVA said...

LAUGH MY FUCKING AIYASS OFF!!!!.......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

WHAT A FUCKING TOSSA!!!!!

GREAT PIC!!!

mark manning said...

In this photo, I think Aiyaz is confused, " am I a man, or am I a woman"?

Anonymous said...

Aiyas Sayed Khaiyum was a POOF while studying in Hong Kong...,,,most probably still is. no wonder he has no less than 5 bodyguards

Victor Rayo said...

What are the legal practitioners say about this one? To be able to push through a criminal case to these kind of people, I think a louder clamor is needed to make the authorities move and act.