#header-inner img {margin: 0 auto !important; #header-inner {text-align: Center ;} Fiji Coupfourpointfive: Regime hierarchy's 'school reports'

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Monday, March 4, 2013

Regime hierarchy's 'school reports'

Satire from a fellow school goer
Annual School Report Card: Viti Grammar Boarding School

The Cadet Leader, Joey (acting School Captain)
Teacher’s Comment’s: Joey is by no means in the high academic achievers ranks. However, his organisational skills are extremely well developed. His position as cadet leader is fitting. However, he has not made a good school captain.  A new School Captain will be voted in soon. He has formed a close relationship with one of the exchange students, Greenham Divas. His behaviour seems to become unruly when this exchange student is absent from school. Needs to think before speaking if he wants to be a prefect.

Principal’s Comments: Joey has been an exceptional cadet leader. However, when he has been acting school captain he has made some fundamental errors by listening to the wrong people.  He tends to seek guidance from the USA exchange students in exchange for his lunch money. He then goes hungry and the poor advice they give him and his extreme hunger leads him further into trouble. His grade would have been in the “C” range. However, his close friendship with the captain of the debating team has caused his reputation to be irreparably destroyed. I have recommended he be suspended. Once his association with the captain of the debating team has been severed, we believe he may have prospects of rehabilitation.

Grade D (to be suspended indefinitely pending counselling)

The Captain of the Debating Team, Aiyayai (acting Vice Captain)
Teacher’s Comments: He is a fair student yet over estimates his abilities. If he spent his time studying rather than looking for short-cuts, he may have had a future. He has received very average grades, yet his parents are continually at the school protesting his D’s and F’s and asking why we are discriminating against him. It appears his own over estimating of his academic capabilities has stemmed from his home life. His debating skills are sadly inadequate. He has a tendency to pout and attack the adjudicator for discriminating against him when the school is debating other schools. He was only made captain of the debating team after his parents mortgaged their home and paid the other children large sums of money to vote for him. The investigation into this matter is ongoing.


Principal’s Comments: The school nurse has a degree in psychology. She has expressed her concerns to us about young Aiyaiyai’s mental health. She believes his condition could improve if he was medicated. However, his parents adamantly deny he has mental health issues and continually blame the school for not realising his brilliance. I have recommended he be expelled immediately.

Grade: F (to be expelled as soon as possible)



Prefect Tiny Goats
Teacher’s Comments: An opportunist in the extreme. Clever, yet highly manipulative and cunning. He has the ability to say one thing and think another. He was able to remove Prefect Marshmellow and make it look like the acting Vice Captain was responsible. His ambitions belie his capabilities. The playground teachers have been warned to keep a close eye on him.

Principal’s Comments: Tiny appears to be a compliant student. However, he likes to control things from behind the scenes. He can be a threat to the younger boarding students (see incident report below).

Grade: F (on his last warning)

Prefect Paully Madigascar
Teacher’s Comments: Is close with former School Captain, Chorboy, yet keeps his associations under wraps. A capable mathematician, yet he writes the answer first and then inserts the equation later. His primary intention is to feather his future nest. He tends to bully the other children but is a coward at heart.

Principal’s Comments: Paully is a bully and he creates friction with the other children. He shows hostility to some children on the surface yet hangs out with them on the weekends. He really wants to be School Captain and knows that it will not happen unless the schools musicians (formerly known as the Flute and Lyre Players- FLP) students vote for him.

Grade: F (on his last warning)

Prefect Billy Calamari
Teacher’s Comments: Billy is an above average student yet his behaviour in recent times has been disturbing. He has been caught making false complaints against other students. Apparently the word got out that if you give the Vice Captain your lunch money he will pay half to Billy to say whatever you want to the Head Master. This has resulted in three students being given detention unjustifiably.

Principal’s Comments: Billy has shown a solid degree of academic performance. However, his recent behaviour in abusing his role as prefect has caused us great alarm. We believe that his behaviour has been largely due to the influence exerted over him by the vice captain. Like the cadet leader we believe he has prospects for rehabilitation but we are forced to suspend him indefinitely at this point in time.

Grade D- (to be suspended indefinitely, pending counselling)


Exchange Student  Greenham Divas
Teacher’s Comments: A bright and gifted student. He has the best intentions and clearly loves his school. However, his association with the cadet leader has blinded him somewhat to reality. The cadet leader values his opinions but seldom takes his advice. He has a tendency to become violent and allows fools get under his skin too readily. If he were to be more diplomatic and the cadet leader took his advice from time to time, the school would be a more harmonious place.

Principal’s Comments: Greenham has settled in well as a foreign exchange student. He is starting to learn that the other foreign students from the USA are not a good influence on him. He needs to stand his ground more firmly. The school nurse claims his immune system is somewhat compromised. He needs to build his resilience or risk constant viral attack from microbes.

Grade: C -

Distance Education Teacher Mr Crispy-Welch
Parent’s and Citizen’s Association Comment’s: We are starting to regret our decision for recruiting CW as our distance education teacher. He does not seem to have a proper understanding of the school environment and has only made short visits in recent years. He seems to put all of his time into a few students and completely ignores our indigenous students. He has been teaching subjects of which he has no knowledge and has confused a great number of students. His motivations are impossible to read.

Principal’s Comments: CW gets on well with a few of his students, like the cadet leader and the foreign exchange students. However, his condescending and discriminatory treatment of the indigenous students has forced me to seek his termination.

Recommendation: Instant dismissal

School Counsellor, Dr N Shameenie
Parent’s and Citizen’s Association Comment’s: We have identified that the behaviour of the acting School Captain (cadet leader), the acting Vice Captain ( captain of the debating team) and the school prefects (Tony, Paul and Billy) has been influenced by the school counsellor. The school counsellor has exceptional academic and practical qualification, yet she has failed in her duty of care to the students named above. Her close association with the vice captain’s parents represents a serious conflict of interests.

Principal’s Comments: I will be terminating Dr Shameenie’s contract immediately and will instate the school nurse as school counsellor. The school nurse has lesser qualifications but far greater professional standards. The school nurse is of the opinion that Dr Shameenie is suffering from extreme narcissism. She claims to have witnessed Dr Shameenie passionately kissing a mirror in her office for more than ten minutes. When the school nurse interrupted, Dr Shameenie become highly infuriated and offered the school nurse an apple which after laboratory testing was found to have been injected with cyanide. These incidents have been reported to police. We expect Dr Shameenie to be placed in custody (or a secure mental institution) after her trial.

Serious Incident Report
A serious issued arose early in the term.  One of the new junior students was cautioned for playing with his genitalia in the classroom and the schoolyard. Our investigation revealed that the young lad Mommy Somean, had approached the senior prefects to find out how he could one day be a prefect. He was told to expose his genitalia as often as possible and play with himself with great vigour.

Our investigation proved inconclusive. The prefects were all warned that such behaviour will not be tolerated in our boarding school. We also concluded that little Mommy was too immature to be playing with the big boys. We have encouraged his parents to place him in a community school and advised them that he should repeat a year as he is much much smaller than the other boys. His parents have asked if he could return to the school next year, despite his cousin Aiyaiyai being expelled. We will consider this request at an appropriate time. We have concerns that he may share some of the traits of his older cousin.

Principals Report:
The school has been through a tumultuous time with the graduating class of 2013. After the expulsion of the acting Vice Captain (Aiyaz), the suspension of the acting School Captain (Joey) and one of our prefects (Billy), we expect the students ranks will return to a more normal state.

The instant termination of our  School Counsellor and Distance Education teacher, will also allow for a more productive and harmonious school. We are expecting new members of staff to come on board in 2014. On behalf of the School, Executive and the P and C, we hope the high standards of performance and reputation will return to our school thereafter. It has been a testing time for us all. It is unlikely that we will be accepting any foreign exchange students from California’s Qorvis Elementary School in the future. They have been an ineffective addition to our school and do not share our core values.

School Principal
Viti Grammar School

18 comments:

  1. Pakistan Taliban confirm recruiting Islamic jihadists from post-coup Fiji; The Defence White Paper 2004 had warned: “Fiji Muslims potential incubator for Osama bin Laden and Taliban”

    These are the Taliban Recruits:

    • Aiaz Sayed Khaiyum
    • Aslam Khan,
    • Iqbal Janiff,
    • Nazhat Shameem
    • Shaista Shameem,
    • Nur Bano,
    • Nashad Ali (CEO AFL),
    • Abdul Khan(FSC),
    • Mohammed Aziz,
    • Faiaz Ali,
    • Mohammed Saneen,
    • Saheen Ali,
    • Razim Buksh (RBF)
    • Nouzab Fareed (FHL CEO)
    • Faiaz Khan (Tropic Woods CEO)
    • Shiraz Ali, ( FEA manager)
    • Riaz Ali (FNU),
    • Nizam U Dean,
    • Afzal Khan,
    • Hafix Khan,
    • Anwar Khan,
    • Ali Jan,
    • Bahadur Ali,
    • Lainuni Khan,
    • Shaneze Voss,
    • Shane Hussien,
    • Riaz Khaiyum (FBC CEO),
    • Robert Khan,
    • Rahmat Ali,
    • Gulam Mohammed,
    • Faizal Koya,
    • Ahmed Bhamji

    ReplyDelete
  2. Watch this space for SDL candidates for 2014 election. The kind of people that led us down this track of racism and coups are back and even worse. Are the really social and liberal as they claim to be or are they nationalist and conservative? Do they really know what they stand for or are they taking us for a ride as they previously did? Watch this space and you won't be surprised by the corrupt and racist gang standing in the elections.

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  3. What sort of crap is this? It isn't even mildly amusing let alone funny. 4.4, you have lost the plot.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's sad to witness C4.5’s descent ifrom Fiji's most vital opposition blog and source for news of Fiji into an unhumorous and low-brow collection of satirical pieces aimed, not at toppling the illegal regime, but at tugging its beard. If C4.5’s contributors only put half as much effort into actually organising Fiji's opposition, perhaps Fiji would be free and proud today, rather than a mockery amongst nations.

    More news and analysis, please, not puerile attempts at satirising Grubby, Shazzer, etc.

    We need to restore democracy to Fiji. We will only achieve that by overthrowing the illegal regime, not by wheedling it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Most want PM to lead after 2014: Consultations

    March 4, 2013 | Filed under: Fiji News | Posted by: newsroom

    By MAIKA BOLATIKI

    Most people want the Prime Minister, Commodore Voreqe Bainimarama, to continue leading the country after the 2014 elections, consultations in the greater Suva area show.
    Speaking to the Fiji Sun Strategic Framework for Change Co-ordinating Office representative, Kisoko Cagituevei, said this particular group wanted the Prime Minister to form a party, contest the 2014 election and continue leadership.
    This was after Co-ordinating Office, since the end of January, conducted more than 140 consultations in the Lami to Nasinu corridor.
    They were accompanied by representatives of municipalities, the Water Authority of Fiji, the Public Rental Board, the Police, and various Government departments.
    The Co-ordinating Office continues with its public relations consultations and awareness within the Suva peri-urban communities.
    It is accompanied by other stakeholders following the first phase of consultations for the same sector for the Lami and Nasinu areas.
    Mr Cagituevei said a common point raised in meetings in these areas is the ability of the present leadership to stop corruption in Government.
    Mr Cagituevei said the people told the team from the Co-ordinating office they were happy with the excellent services provided by the current Government.
    Many said that before they were only visited by politicians when the nation was preparing for an election and a lot of promises were made just for their votes.
    Mr Cagituevei said most people were still waiting for what was promised to them by those politicians.
    He told them they should be expecting some more people to visit them especially when the nation was preparing for another election in 2014.
    “We have advised them not to be easily swayed by these people and they should be firm on what they believe in,” Mr Cagituevei said.
    The Co-ordinating office, under the Office of the Prime Minister, is responsible for promoting and marketing Government plans and initiatives through the eleven pillars of the People’s Charter for Change, Peace and Progress.
    These consultations are a testament to Government’s commitment to addressing core issues faced by the people every day.
    It is in this regard that people are encouraged to attend these forums to not only listen to but more importantly, to air their concerns and enable everyone to work together for a better Fiji for all.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous 5:07, I'm not buying what you're selling. I've never voted for SDL in the past, but I likely would today, if given the chance, which I doubt this regime will give me, for that reason.

    Today's SDL isn't your father's SDL. The party is more inclusive than before, and it is committed to democratic governance.

    Anyone can see that the corruption charges against Qarase were unproven and politically motivated. The SDL is more mainstream than ever, and Fiji has no better leader than Ro Teimumu Kepa.

    If this regime tries to run its candidates under the banner of the NFP, it will be the end of the NFP forever, mark my words. It doesn't matter if the NFP runs unopposed or whatever Aiyaz and his gang are cooking. This gang of traitors will irreparably taint any party that will accept it as the Party of Treason.

    Is that the kind of alternative you offer to the SDL? If not, spell it out. Because if it is, I can tell you right now, it ain't gonna fly, jack.

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  7. Well, what do you know, more phony "consultations" where the people extol the virtues of Dear Leader and ask him to stay in power.

    Strange how a guy supposedly so popular never allows free and fair elections to prove it and to end the sanctions against his regime!

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  8. @ taliban recruit

    don't forget to add to the list :
    zarin khan the pot bellied poofter husband of nur bano

    ReplyDelete
  9. I have recommended he be suspended. Once his association with the captain of the debating team has been severed, we believe he may have prospects of rehabilitation.


    Media Monitoring

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  10. Mark my word, there wont be any election in 2014. Bai has an obligation to protect his partners in crime and more so himself. The recent revelation that Naupoto ordered the torture of Speight group on board Kiro whilst on way to Nukulau is quite a revelation. Naupoto is now a scared man to the bone and will have pressed Bai to hang to power to protect him and others like him getting revenged for their deeds. But the children and grandchildren of those who suffered and their kinsmen, mataqali, yavusa members and friends will never forget the terrible time Naupoto gave these men.

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  11. Naupoto keimami na sega ni guilecava vakadua na veika o vakayacora vei iratour na wekai keimami , na mosi e tu qo ena sega ni oti rawa, era na maroroya tu na luvei keimami, makubui keimami kei ira na weka raraba. O iko kei na nomu matavuvale o sa tekivu makataki tiko ena gauna qo.

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  12. Naupoto luveni vuaka, waraka, namaka, dua na siga tagane o na sotava mamaca even if take years baleta sa mosimosi sara ga na veika o vakarota me vakayacori vei iratou na wekai keimami,

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  13. For the benefit of those who do not know how Naupoto ticks and how he gets his 'kicks', go to the blog 'Fiji Leaks' and check it out!!
    Military Boards of Inquiry do not lie.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Isa, I cannot for one moment accept and imagine that Naupoto can order such brutality towards his fellow and very very senior officers in the likes of Lt Col Korovusere, Lt Col Bukarau, Lt Col Mua, Major Ligairi and Major Savua.
    But then again, like Voreqe he orders other people to do the dirty work.
    It does, however shown the very very dark side of the man.
    By extension, I wonder what type of husband, what type of father and grand father he really is at home??
    E sa vOlai tu e na wai koula e na i Vola Tabu Naupoto, ni na 'VAKAYACORI VEI IKO NA NI VAKARAU O VAKAYACORA VEI IRA NA TANI'.
    Au kurabui ni o ta mai na 'KORO NI VULI NI TURAGA'[QVS], iya o mai vakayacora na i tavi vaka KAISI, o iko!!
    Me qai sauma ga vei iko kei na nomu kawa na NEIMAI Kalou Bula ka dau loloma!!

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  15. Naupoto Tovata, au via vakaraitaka ga yani na neimami maduwa kei na rarawa na kai Lau e na i vakarau vakatorosobu o valata!! O yau we!!
    Valata tiko, valata tiko ni se tiko vei iko na dakai.
    A dua a siga e na oti mai.A qai va'evei? A cava o na qai valata? A omu timea?

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  16. C4.5 has sadly lost the plot.As election time draws nearer,the ugly head of rasicm has started to grow.Rather than dividing the Nation on racial grounds please mobilise your efforts to create a formidable opposition line up.

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  17. what the fuck you can't even play rugby...he is the biggest lamusona He has to go to naboro or nukulau for his crime G.S has paid for his crime he did the Coup too he went jail for it... Why should V.B get away with it.. he committed.. TREASON..MURDER..STEAL PEAPLE TAX PAYERS MONEY..ECT..ECT.. THAT'S WORSE THEN WHAT GORGE DID .. are you people blind....He is an animal and a coward look at the way he justify the beating of those escape prisoners.. those escapees are just small time criminal compare to what he has done...what the ARMY and POLICE waiting for arrest them Vore and Kaihum if you have to shoot them.. then you don't have choice... you only doing you job..
    set our country free from this DEVILS..come on guys get your act together.. you can do it..

    ReplyDelete

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